The Case for Pollyanna

I'm an optimist. In the midst of whatever challenge or unfortunate situation, after an initial automatic reactive "ouch", I go for the positive and the possible. People around me who call themselves "realists" tell me I'm a crazy Pollyanna who just doesn't get it. "Interesting", I say.

What I've learned in every area of my life, is that I can't control circumstances, only my response to them. If I experience weather, traffic, taxes, or a stubbed toe, I can choose what to focus on and what kind of thoughts and feelings I take forward from that situation. Does it color my day or my life in shades of gray and tension in my body? Can I do what needs to be done and feel positive just knowing that stuff happens? My life experience will take the shape and form of the feelings I have about what happens. 

"What you focus on expands" is an old maxim. So telling and retelling the negative story to myself and others serves to continue the negative thoughts, feelings, and results. Now there's a happy thought. That also means that choosing to see the positive and possible also brings more of the same. The only question here is "What do I really want?" My optimistic answer is to be happy, to be whole, to be willing and able to serve a higher good.

So that's my case for Pollyanna. If you are in the midst of a career change, switch to a more positive feeling state by asking yourself a few questions:

• What am I learning in this experience?
• What benefits are possible?'
• What do I need to do right now to move in the direction that will bring more of what I want in my life?
• Who is showing up for me as friend, supporter, or resource? Who needs me to show up as these same things for them?
• Who am I called to be in this situation?
• In spite of the challenges, how am I experiencing blessings right now? 

A recent movie, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, has a classic line. "''Everything will be all right in the end. If it's not all right, then it's not yet the end''.  Sounds pretty good to me! 

I often lead workshops and coach clients on the topic of Irresistible Attraction that has a foundation on choosing to find the positive and focusing on that. Let's chat if you'd like to know more. One of my clients came up with his affirmation on this: "Life is Good and Every Day is Christmas!". I couldn't have said it better.

Ready? Take Charge -- Get Moving

Love and light,
Diane

Networking Tip #2 After the meeting

OK, so you went to the meeting or networking event and you collected several business cards. Now what?

Now you can focus on the real power of and purpose of attending networking meetings - building relationships with people you met there.

 First: remember when you accept a business card from someone to make some notes on the back of the card listing the date/event name, additional details,  or interesting info about the person.

Second: schedule a time and to make calls to request an appointment for a one-on-one meeting. It is in this meeting that you get to know each other for real by asking questions - what is their business/career, how did they get started in that business, what are they like as a person. They will be asking the same type questions about you and your business or career. At the end of that 30-60 minute informal conversation both of you will know much better how to help each other connect with potential clients or opportunities.

Third: a most important thing to remember is to stay in touch! Facebook and Linked In are powerful ways to inform people as a group about you and your business. However there is no substitute for a personal email, snail mail card/note, or a quick personal phone call to build that relationship bridge on a strong foundation. Ask an open-ended question to allow the person to talk first. Be prepared with an overview update on your life/activity and any requests you want to make.

There is magic in the one-on-one meeting. People begin to know you, to trust you, and to like you and what you have to offer. When that happens, they are much more likely to think of you when someone else has a need that you can fill AND to tell that person to contact you. It is like having a free marketing force out in the world singing your praises. And it all started with a contact made by Networking.

Take Charge - Get Moving!

Love and light,

Diane

Networking Tip #1

Are you shy? Don't know what to say when you meet new people? Believe it or not, other people may feel the same way when they attend a business networking event. There's a simple trick you can play with your mind to get you into the networking game. What if you took on the role of host or hostess with the assignment of making someone else feel welcome? 

 

By taking the focus away from your own discomfort and focusing on making someone else feel comfortable, you will find it's easier to say a few simple words to get a conversation started. In fact you may even prepare a few opening lines to get you started.

"Hi. I'm _________. (your name) Have you been to this meeting/event before?" 

"How long have you been a member of this group?" 

"I'm new to this group too - shall we find someone who's been a member for a while to tell us about the meeting?"

Make it a goal to meet and spend a few minutes getting to know at least three people. After the meeting it's important to follow up with an email or call within a few days to tell the person you enjoyed meeting them.Getting to know more about your new contacts (and vice versa) is the real goal of networking.

Will this technique transform a shy person into a superstar networker? Maybe not - but it will help you make the most of each opportunity to build relationships with people you may need to know.

Take Charge - Get Moving!

Love and light,

Diane

Networking (Again?)

Career transition, job search, sales, business ownership, entrepreneurial ventures, going to school, being a parent, finding a friend - most everything we do in life can be done better when we build strong networks. This human experience of ours is not about going it alone, it is about meeting challenges with the support of our networks.

Are you shy? Don't know what to say when you meet new people? Just not comfortable with the whole idea of networking? Or do you meet a lot of people, exchange business cards and then nothing happens? Good! Now you know where you're starting. In the next few posts I will give you some tips on how to be good at networking in any area of your work or life.

Take Charge - Get Moving!

Love and light,

Diane

Point of Power

One day at a time, one moment at a time. Staying in the present moment means staying in your "Point of Power". Right now is the only time when you can make a new decision, choose a response, forgive, and most importantly ACT. 

A focus on any other time, either past or future, is folly. There is no power to affect your destiny in any time but this present moment. Ask yourself "What are my choices right now? What is the best use of my valuable time, focus, and energy right now? Who do I need to be right now?"

Take Charge - Get Moving!

What's the Gift?

Losing your job is painful. It hurts - and it isn't fair - and it's terrifying.

In the aftermath of that event, it may not be obvious that you have a choice about how to react emotionally and behaviorally. The fact is simple - the job is gone. You probably need to have another way to earn money in a fairly short time to continue to live in the "old normal".

You can begin to create a new normal by choosing to react with gratitude. "What? Be grateful for losing the job?" you ask. Yes. Begin by asking yourself, "What's the gift in this?" The gift might be a chance to let go of old patterns of thinking and behaving that have become a rut. Maybe you have a dream on the shelf that has gotten dusty because you didn't have the time to bring it forward as a possible reality. Now you have some time to plan for a new future.

OK, so you were a teacher. What expertise did you develop in that? What, specifically, did you love about teaching? Who else needs that passion and expertise? What other dream did/do you have that aligns with the values that made teaching fun for you?

Did you work in an office "cubicle farm" that sapped your soul? What kind of home-based business would you start that is based on something you love? Consider Network Marketing with a product or service that you truly enjoy - your time and earning potential are yours to command. 

Just coming out of military service? How did you grow through that job? What do you really want to do now? You have choices. Where to live, how to embrace a lifestyle that fits your new normal, who to invite as mentor or guide.

Looking back on the event of losing the job will one day seem very different from how it looks today. Let go of the negative emotions and focus on the gift of new possibilities.

Take Charge ... Get Moving

And if you want an unconditionally supportive success partner I'm here for you as your coach.

Love and light,

Diane

Fresh and Engaged?

For many of my unemployed friends and clients, the unemployed state continues to be a much longer ordeal than anticipated. In past years, landing a new position was a matter of doing the basic steps: resume, network, recruiters, interviews, landing. The rule of thumb was a month for every $10K income desired. 


Today the old rules don't apply -- it is the creative and persistent job seeker and sales person who comes out ahead. 


How do you stay "fresh" over the long, long, and even longer job search? In fact, how do you stay engaged as a sales person in the longer sales cycles of today's market? 

• Understand the New Reality. The rules of the game have changed and to win, you have to be willing to change too.

• Reexamine your goals. Has your target moved or disappeared? A friend has been seeking a position as a college administrator with a substantial salary and benefits. His qualifications and expertise are extensive and would serve any institution well. However ... and here's where life is unfair ... he is over 60 years old and is not willing to relocate or take a lower salary, nor is he willing to consider "repackaging" his skills in order to himself into a new arena. The longer he is out of his career, the less desirable he is to potential employers unless he engages with life and work differently.

• Has your industry disappeared or downsized? No matter how painful change may be, it will be even more painful to try to hold on in a dying industry. Let go of the past so you can be able to notice different opportunities.

• Get creative. Break down your past experience into SKILLS that are marketable. NETWORK in order to build relationships. 87% of jobs come through a relationship, someone who knows you, knows about you and your work, or word of mouth. Make sure the right people know you.

Staying fresh and engaged in your work, especially the work of career transition, takes a lot of consciousness. No one will tell you it's easy. And don't overlook the value of engaging a success partner - a coach makes a big difference. You are worth the effort!

Take Charge -- Get Moving!

Love and light,

Diane

S-st-tt-stuttering and Sputtering Out

There I go again! It has been a very long time since my last blog post, and I have to ask myself, “What’s that about?” As motivated and intentional as I may start out, I find that many times I lose focus and simply Sputter out for a while. And guess what – I see other entrepreneurs doing the same thing. Why can’t we just set the goal, develop a strategy, and get moving with focus and consistency?

Here are some reasons AND some ways to change this unproductive pattern.

Reason #1: life happens. People get interrupted, something breaks and needs attention and investment to repair, allergy season saps your energy, company from afar needs attention, other stresses take our attention. Falling off the plan is like stuttering – it’s uncomfortable and it impacts our self-esteem. The good news is that we can overcome the impact of life’s interruptions to our plan.

Solution: Plan for #1 to happen. Know that progress happens in steps and plateaus – you just have to keep on doing the daily small steps that move you forward. It’s normal. It can be briefer if you don’t get stuck in the “stutter”.

Reason #2: it’s not a habit. We all know that it takes 21 days (or more) to install a new habit. If you go 15 days and then forget, the habit doesn’t stick. It takes consistency of commitment for 21 days.

Solution: Get a buddy! Knowing that you are accountable to someone else is a success strategy that will bridge any commitment gaps you may have. This works even better if your buddy is asking you to give the same support for a habit he/she is developing.

Reason #3: you don’t really, really want it badly enough. You think you do, you tell yourself you do, but deep down, it just doesn’t match your sense of what is possible for you.

Solution: tell the truth. What is the purpose, the bigger “why”, for you to achieve the goal? When your actions are aligned with your purpose, the stuttering and sputtering won’t be an option.

So here is my commitment to myself – I am putting these 3 solutions into action starting today for my Send Out Cards biz.
Let me know if you see me starting to stutter on that commitment. I'm going to Take Charge - Get Moving!

Love and light,

Diane

To DiSC or Not To DiSC

"I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort where we overlap."  Ani Defranco, American singer, songwriter

One question that comes up quite often is, "Now that I'm learning about differences in behavior style, do I need to do a guess at their DiSC style with everyone I meet?" 

Good question ... in most interactions, we are so focused on the message we are giving or receiving and what we have to do with the information that it is already too much sometimes. 

How about keeping things simple? If you are already in rapport, in sync, in alignment with the other person, you are probably paying attention on the unconscious level to how that person prefers to communicate and you are automatically adapting. Or they may have a similar preferences to yours. It is when the communication does not feel clear and easy that the DiSC Model can come to the rescue. 

By observing the distinctions regarding task-oriented and people-oriented you can begin to align your style with theirs. (See the previous blog post.)

When a person who scores high on I-Influencing works with a person who is very high on C-Compliance, he needs to slow down and pay attention to the details of the task. Vice versa - when the C needs to have a positive relationship with the I, she needs to warm up a little and start with the big picture before delving into details. 

The D-Dominant preference needs to warm up and relax a little to establish rapport with the I's and S's, and to have some understanding that C's will have far more detail than is needed by the D and that the S's will do anything they can to get the job done, if you just ask nicely.

So the answer to the question "to DiSC or not to DiSC?" is Yes! Just a little attention to what the other person prefers or needs will save time and energy and opportunities.

Take Charge -- Get Moving!

Love and light,

Diane

DiSC and The Law of Requisite Variety

My client, Jack, is a busy manager who recently took the DiSC assessment as part of his coaching program. He liked the DiSC Model and said that he learned a lot about what makes people tick, but asked, “So what do I do with it now? Why should I put any more effort into applying it?”

How about this – More Power!

Do you want to be in control of your interactions with others? Here’s a way to do just that!


There is a body of knowledge called Neuro-Linguistic Programming -- also known as NLP and Neurolinguistics. NLP studies the structure of how humans think and experience the world, and is based on the presupposition that all behavior has a structure which can be modeled, learned, taught, and changed (re-programmed).

One principle of NLP applies well to how we use the DiSC model. The Law of Requisite Variety states that the one with the most flexibility of behavior will control the entire system, including communication. Have you ever noticed a child in the grocery store asking for cookies, candy, toys, etc.? If one behavior and request doesn’t do the job, he will try many other behaviors with lots of flexibility = controlling mom and getting the result.

“So just by adjusting to the other person’s preferences, I get to be in charge?” Jack asked. Right -- Two simple comparisons will help you to adjust your communication style to that of the other person.

1. Are they Direct/outgoing or are they Reserved?

2. Are they more Task-oriented or more People-oriented?

From those two observations, you can narrow their style to 

• Dominant = Direct, Task-oriented; 
• Influential = Direct, People-oriented; 
• Steady = Reserved, People-oriented; 
• Compliant = Reserved, Task-oriented. 

By starting your interaction where THEY are, you establish rapport, eliminate barriers/walls, and build a relationship that supports getting to a desired result. My challenge to you is that you become a Master of The Law of Requisite Variety.

Take Charge -- Get Moving!

Love and light,

Diane 

Communication is a "fat" word

People are different ... duh! When we engage in "communication", we often forget that basic fact and charge ahead in our own style and paradigm of the world. Personality and behavioral preferences affect how and why we communicate the way we do. The word, communication, has as many meanings as there are people using it -- it is a "fat" word.


My favorite tool for clarifying and improving communication behaviors with clients and teams is the DiSC assessment. By making 24 simple selections on the assessment, we get a fairly comprehensive report on our own behavioral and communication preferences and information about how others are different. Aha! So that's the reason for some of the misfires and clashes we've had in the past. THEY communicate differently, have different expectations, and a different  view of the world. 


Is this assessment perfect? Some people say that this kind of inquiry has flaws, and they are correct. However, if I understand how my style differs from others I work/play with, I have a choice of being flexible in order to establish Rapport and a sense of understanding much more quickly. In effect, I can improve my communication effectiveness.


In the next few posts, I'll give you some basics that will help you to review your own DiSC assessment. You can find several sources online, free or for a small fee. You may find as one client recently said, "I wish I had known this 10 years ago!"


Take charge - Get Moving!


Love and light,
Diane

Balance - You Deserve It

T

Texas springtime is fleeting - it lasts only a few weeks. This year we were lucky that the rain and weather were just right for lovely fields of big, fat Bluebonnets. I spent a whole day to drive to Ennis and enjoy their annual Bluebonnet Trails and Festival. And I note that I took this time off "to smell the flowers" with not a hint of guilt.

Taking charge and getting moving is not only about career, business, and the things we typically consider related to success. At the end of our days, the reckoning will be about the quality of the journey, how much love we brought into the world, and who we became as human beings, not just the accomplishments of a human DO-ing.  

The challenge for most people facing difficult situations, like the current economy or job seeking, is to let go of the fear long enough to create balance in life. It doesn't just happen, we have to make a space and a plan for balance. Maybe frolicking in the wildflowers isn't for you ... but there is something that you enjoy, that takes time, and that you have probably been talking yourself out of doing. 

Find a way to put fun and play into today. Play with a child or a puppy. Get your hands dirty doing something out of your ordinary routine. Sit quietly outdoors and listen to the birds or the sounds of traffic. Breathe.

Take Charge -- Get your Balance -- then Get Moving

Love and light,

Diane

“Don’t compromise yourself.  You’re all you’ve got.” ― Janis Joplin

For many years I've used assessments/tools to help my coaching clients "know themselves" behaviorally. The DiSC profile, the Meyers-Briggs, or StrengthsFinder 2.0 provide excellent reports that identify style, communication preference, and personal characteristics and offer action plans for applying the information. Most of these tools share two basic truths -
1. You have to apply the information to benefit from the tool, and

2. A Strength when overused becomes a weakness.

Unfortunately, a time of transition or change is stressful - and in a stressed state we tend to be and become more of what we already are and overuse our strengths. For example: the analytical person tends to over-analyze and avoid action; the expressive and outgoing individual may rely too much on optimism and not enough on strategy and discipline; the stable amiable worker avoids effective reaching-out actions that might "interrupt" or "disturb" someone they might be networking with; and the directive style, focusing on bottom line results (or lack of results), becomes his/her own worst enemy.

Knowing who you are is a first step. The next step is owning the pitfalls of your personal style or perspective on the world and doing actions that don't necessarily feel good or natural.This is the time to grow, to develop new muscles, to use your strengths and natural gifts to their fullest. Are you an introvert? Read "The Introvert Advantage" by Lancy and begin to recognize new ways to be your truest self and still attain your goals.

Are you a "type A" dominant style? Learn to notice the effect your stressed out style has on people around you - that will give you reason to relax with a deep breath and let go of the need to "get it all done right this instant, regardless of consequences."

Don't compromise who you are. DO use all the best of who you are to achieve your goals in the shortest time and with the best results.

Take Charge -- Get Moving!
Love and light,
Diane

OurSelf .. Employed

"The biggest mistake that you can make is to believe that you are
working for somebody else. Job security is gone. The driving
force of a career must come from the individual. Remember:
Jobs are owned by the company; you own your career!"
— Earl Nightingale

Who do you work for? Paycheck or not, the truth is that we are all self-employed.

1. EMPLOYED: Working for a company gives a structure, goals, systems, teammates, and rewards defined by the organization.

2. SELF-EMPLOYED: Working in our own business requires self-management to create and invest our time and energy in structure, goals, systems, a team, and rewards defined by us.

3. TRANSITIONING: Working to find or create that next career step requires all of the same things and much more. You are working for yourself without knowing when the payday will arrive.

What I continue to see as I coach 'transitioning people' and employed people unhappy with their work is the battle between knowing and doing. We know that success depends on working as hard as we would in the EMPLOYED state or even the SELF-EMPLOYED state. But the requirement to stay on track day after day, often with very little support is a tall order. 

So let me offer a "reframe" for work in general. Our success ALWAYS depends on DOING what we know needs to be done. Whether we are working toward the next career step, working in a job defined by the company, or working in our self-defined business, the challenge is the same.

Own it! It is your work, your skill and talent put into action.
Focus it! There will always be something to distract or distress you in your work - focus on the task at hand.
DO IT! One step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.
CHOOSE IT! Wherever you are, choose to be there rather than fighting it. Do your best right where you are and you will find the path to success.
                                    Take Charge - Get Moving
Love and light,
Diane

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. --Reinhold Niebuhr

As I coach wonderfully talented people in career transition, I find many are not able to maintain a sense of peace and courage as time away from work drags on. They are tormented by a sense of helplessness in their inability to control the situation and get back to full employment. I hear it ... "I should be able to make things happen." "It's not fair/right that I was laid off." "What are people thinking of me, still unemployed? They think I'm a loser." As long as they are holding these illusions, they are blind to opportunities and creativity.

I have learned a lot about myself through them. We live as if our perceptions are truth when many are illusions. Illusions all around us - the illusion of security, of self-importance, of one's ability to control the world. As I take charge and get moving, I am accepting that I can't control circumstances or other people. I can only do what I can do. I can accept my limitations and claim my strengths. My mantra is "What is ... is. What ain't ... ain't. What are my choices right now?"

Let go of illusions, clarify the vision, plan and implement strategy with persistence and patience. Take charge of what I can do and build up momentum.
It isn't easy, but it is simple when the illusions are dispelled.
Love and light,
Diane

Goodbye 2009

The terrible, horrible, awful, dreadful, economic disaster year 2009 is fading away this week! Thank God I have survived ... maybe just by a hair ... but it will soon be over. As I look forward to the new Decade opener 2010, I am taking some important lessons to build on.

1. We are all in this together. The quality of my life experience has been made manageable by connecting with others, serving in any way I can, and supporting other people in similar situations.
2. I can live a good life with less - less money, less "stuff", less pricey entertainment.
3. There is a lot to be grateful for: family, health, friendships, time to notice how beautiful the world is, living in a country that allows for free enterprise.

The key lesson I am taking into the New Year 2010 is this: Take Charge and Get Moving! No more waiting for things to get better, for someone or something to rescue me and the country's economy. Whatever it takes, I firmly believe it is fully up to me and I can get it done.

Are you with me? If there is anything you would like to have me address from a coaching and leadership perspective, I'd love to hear from you. Let's make it happen!
Love and light,
Diane